I was leafing through my datebook the other evening, jotting down personal obligations, new races, basketball practices and out of town trips, when it struck me that perhaps I have bitten off a bit too much to chew.
This is not a new problem. When I moved to Florida, my best friend made me a crafty sign that said "DO NOT VOLUNTEER, NO MATTER WHAT." She made me promise to hang it on the back of my front door for at least one year - which I did, and I was unbelievably bored.
For as long as I can remember, I have had the tendency to believe that I can, in fact, squeeze every single event into my schedule, that I have the most amazing time management skills on the planet. If this were true, I am certain that I would be more successful in the workplace - or a doctor, perhaps.
The truth is that I hate saying no and disappointing people. If you invite me somewhere, I will try my best to attend, because I believe that if you took the time to extend the invitation, it is important to you that I be there. This may be a bit egotistical, but I will try be there because I was invited.
I also believe that I have more time than I actually do, that somehow my days are magically longer than the 24 hours everyone else receives, that I won't get stuck at work until 6pm, that it won't take me more than an hour to get across the bridge at rush hour, and that not only can I work full time, train for a Half Iron triathlon, a half and full marathon, fundraise to find a cure for cancer, coach high school jv basketball, spend quality time with my family, friends, puppy and boyfriend, whip up a homemade dinner every night, do laundry and keep a clean(ish) house, but that I believe that I can do all of this successfully.
And most days, I actually DO accomplish just about everything I have listed above, sans the clean(ish) house part. Luckily I have a boyfriend who supports my insanity and does the cleaning for me, as well as all the housework that needs to be done so that I can go out and ride my bike.
Every now and again, though, it catches up with me. I neglect to look at my planner (yes, I actually still use a paper planner) and think I know what time everything is occurring, and then I end up overbooking myself or planning around what I thought I had planned, only to find that I mixed up the time of the events and miss out on the fun completely.
Every once in awhile, I am so utterly exhausted that I find myself wishing I was a celebrity so that I could check into some swanky spa for down time. I am sure that I am able to check myself in at a nice spa in South Tampa, but I'd have to work off the bill and wind up more tired than when I arrived! Instead, I pass out on the couch before 9pm and drink enormous amounts of black coffee the next day, haha.
Yes, I am tired. Yes, I probably signed up for one too many races this year. And yes, perhaps I should have declined to coach my jv girls to focus on my job and my training.
I can assure you that I will sign up for another race because a friend asked me to run it with them or because I liked the medal, that I will pour my heart into coaching my girls, that I will continue to train for each event I commit to, and that I will not stop fundraising until a cure for cancer is found.
No matter how tired or defeated I may feel, I will continue to learn how to effectively manage my time. I will train, cook, clean, socialize, support, fundraise, coach and work, not because I have more time in each day or because I think "I'm Every Woman" (thank you, Whitney), but because it is part of who I am.
And so I run.
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